I am in the process of establishing a new home for my writing. Right now it is scattered across blogs, multiple websites, and publishing platforms, social media sites, and who knows where else. And that, that is just that which has been converted to a digital form. Never mind all the writing that exists in notebooks, on scraps of paper, index cards, post-it notes and so on. Like objectively, I have written a lot. I write a lot. At night I sometimes panic that there will never be enough time not just to write it all down, but to get it out there. And where is out there these days? I often feel like the digital equivalent of a bill stickers of yore rolling around the neighborhood with a bunch of signs and a bucket of paste hoping that someone sees what I write. Is this the right wall? Is this the right message for this wall? Who is the audience? And yet, here is the thing, sometimes I don't actually want people to see what I write (some might be relieved by that). I don't even have to write anything new, I could just repost previous content. I could pull out any number of notebooks, turn to a random page and write about whatever is there. I could. I could. I could.
And yet, and yet, and yet, despite the abundance here I am flopping and flailing. I am like the rider who got on the bus at the Helsinki Bus Station and then got off the bus and kept repeating that process. Is this theme right? Am I doing this right? I am tired of all the things I feel like I need to do right to write. I don't know if I'd call it writer's block as much as writers decision fatigue